Schedule? What schedule?

I used to be a busy person. I utilized my Gmail calendar functions to the fullest extent. I had reminder emails and text messages sent to me on a daily basis, alerting me to the things I was supposed to do and places I was supposed to go, lest I forget about something in the hustle and bustle of my active life. I had work schedules and social schedules all color coded and labeled. I would look at the 2-week view of my calendar and sometimes feel breathless at the ongoing litany of activities. My friends would call to schedule a lunch date and I would have to search for free time, patiently scanning through days and juggling other obligations to make room for the people I love.

Then I had the Monkey.

Now my calendar is a vast expanse of empty space. It's sort of like what I imagine the cosmos to look like when you're on the moon and not facing earth. There are a few stars punctuating the bleak blackness, but that's about it. Now when my friends want to make lunch plans and ask if I can fit them into my schedule, I am forced to respond with "Schedule? What schedule?" and giggle lightly as though I am not at all bothered by the fact that my life has gone from 60 to 0 in 4.8 months. I will admit that part of the dramatic shift has been the loss of both of my jobs, which is not at all my little mini-me's fault. No, I blame that on other people and other factors entirely. But still...even if I were working, my g-cal would look like a shadow of its former self.

I love my son, and I love that even though we have no money and are broker than broke, I get to stay home with him and spend lots of quality time learning how to be a good mom. I enjoy watching him do the most delightful things, like discovering how to put his big toe in his mouth, and figuring out that a Johnny Jump-Up is for jumping, not spinning. But I miss my life. I miss running around, seeing adults every day, feeling productive and busy and interesting. I miss listening to my iPod really loud in the car. I miss having the time an energy to blow dry my hair before leaving the house. I miss savoring an afternoon spent wandering through the Shops on the Parkway looking for a new pair of jeans.

I knew that life would be different when I had a baby. I knew that things would change and I wouldn't have much free time. I just didn't know it would be quite this intense!