The Murphy's Laws of Being Monkey's Mom

1. If he hasn't pooped in 4 days and you are alone in a public place with only one diaper, 4 baby wipes, and no change of clothes, he will poop. A lot. And more than once.

2. If he just pooped before you left the house and you are just running to the grocery store for 2 things and don't take the diaper bag with you, he will poop again.

3. Everything that is within reach goes in his mouth. If it is not within reach, he will spend 45 minutes trying to reach it, will knock over breakable things, bonk his head on the floor at least twice, and finally reach it. And put it in his mouth.

4. If he hasn't learned to roll over, and you lay him in the middle of the bed at grandma's to nap, he will discover how to roll over in his sleep and he will hit the floor.

5. He will begin to eat solid foods, love them, eat them a lot for about 3 weeks, and then just when your breastmilk supply has started to decrease due to less demand, he will boycott solid foods and only want the boob.

6. If you really need to nap when he naps, he will sleep for exactly 24 minutes. If you don't need to/can't nap when he naps, he will sleep for 3 hours.

7. His favorite toy will be the hard plastic one he can't stop smacking into the side of his head.

8. When you attempt to feed him solid foods, he will spit them out and rub them in his hair, up his nose, behind his ears, in his eyelashes, and on his clothes, making it seem like he ate half the container, when in fact he is wearing most of it.

9. His favorite bottle will be the one you left at home and you won't realize this until you have gotten to grandma's house, which is 2 hours away.

10. You will realize this at 10:30 at night when you are in your jammies and he wants his late night feeding and you will spend 15 minutes trying to get him to eat from another bottle when it would have taken you that long to just go to Wal-Mart and buy another one.