Changing Again (Me, This Time.)

My body is changing again. Altering itself based on what my baby needs, and takes, and what he doesn't.

He doesn't nurse as much anymore, now that he (messily and with great angst) feeds himself pasta wheels and chicken chunks and peas. So my once bouncy-flouncy milk-makers have shrunk back to their pre-pregnancy proportions...except now they are flat and lifeless like deflated bicycle tires. Ugh. No amount of underwire will save them at this point. I look down at my cleavage and am surprise to find that I don't really have any to speak of anymore. So sad.

Also, with much dismay and without preparing for it, I have rejoined the ranks of womanhood. And let me just tell you that it is NOT going well. I was having these nice, cramp-free, pantyliners-only kinds of periods before I got myself knocked up. They were brief, easy, and painless. This period, however, is like their evil stepsister. I should have bought stock in Tampax. Hell, I should have bought some Tampax! I was not ready for this, and it's distinctly unpleasant. I should have seen it coming, I guess, but I was living blissfully in my world without menstrual cycles.

One good thing is the weight loss. Thanks to Weight Watchers, and my dutiful adherence to its principles, I have lost about 26 pounds so far. This is a wonderment that I do not get tired of talking about. I am halfway to my goal of losing 50 pounds, and I feel pretty damn great about it. I still get to eat pizza and milkshakes (on OCCASION, mind you) but I am rapidly approaching the day when my pre-preggie fat jeans will fit again...and then, oh heavenly joy, my skinny jeans will fit me someday, too!! It's delightful to see myself slowly but surely shrinking to a healthy and acceptable size. I don't need to be a size 4. I just need to be a good size for me. Like an 8/10 :)

The one teensy problem with losing this weight (and I do hate to be a beggar AND a chooser, here) is the floppy body it leaves behind. I grew this monstrous large belly, and my skin had to stretch itself to accommodate. Now the belly is shrinking, but the skin is hanging out, confused, wondering where to go. I have gone from preggie tummy to fat tummy to smaller but floppy/flabby tummy. It's odd, and disconcerting. I never expected to have flat abs, nor do I need to. I am not a super model and I don't aspire to be. But this drooping mass is interfering with my plans of maybe someday wearing a bikini again.

Wow, having a baby really does a number on you.