Life Lessons

I wonder sometimes what I will teach my son. What life lessons, what important tidbits, and what necessary information will I impart? I think about the things I see, looking back, that my mom tried to teach me. Self-respect. Confidence. A sense of adventure. Devotion to what I love, whether it be person, career, or place. But those things aren't enough. I have to teach him things my mother didn't have to teach me.

I have to find a way to teach him how to be a man.

I don't say this with the idea of a lumberjack in the back of my mind, or while picturing Hulk Hogan. I am not thinking of stock brokers, or triathletes, or those dudes who strut around the club late at night, oozing testosterone.

I say this while thinking of men I would like my son to emulate, at least in some specific ways. I would like him to be gentle and charming, like my father. I would like him to be smart, like my mom's friend Joe. I would like him to be creative, like Raymond. I would like him to be kind, patient, and generous, like his daddy. I would like him to be sensitive and perceptive, like JJ. And I would like him to be brave, like his Granny Ann, who was obviously not a man, but I think her overt swearing and cigar smoking puts her in the Boys' Club.

These sound like great characteristics for a man to have. And yet it is very hard to find a man who has them all. It is such a struggle to grow up as a boy in this culture. Boys get the message over and over that they are supposed to be tough, that they're superior to girls, that they're not supposed to be emotional, and that their power as human beings comes from their sexual prowess.  They see glorified images of muscled dimwits, or snide and condescending snobs, and think that's who they're supposed to be.

I don't want that for Owen. I want him to be a full person, to experience and express a full range of thoughts and feelings, and not be afraid of that. I want him to respect himself, and women, and other men. I want him to find his power in his openness, and his intelligence, and his compassion.

I want him to be one of the good guys. I want someone, someday, to say about him that they got themselves a good man.

So the question becomes...how do I help him become that?