Taking it too far

Being the slightly OCD person that I am, I have a certain appreciation for schedules. I like to know when things are going to happen. It's comforting, having at least parts of your day that are expected, things that you can anticipate. Baby books have encouraged me to do the same thing for my little poopy pants, and to some degree I have tried to do so.

I put him to bed at the same time (give or take a little bit) every night. Sometimes he is exhausted and goes right to sleep, and sometimes it takes him a little play time in his crib before he winds down, but he gets plopped in there at about 6 pm every day no matter what. We're pretty good about sticking to that time, even if we're visiting friends or traveling, even if it means he has to fall asleep in a pack-n-play in Melody's closet!

He also gets his milk at the same time every day...right after he wakes up, and right before bed. He might wake up at 6:45 or he might wake up at 7:30, and I do let him decide when it's time to get up in the morning, but no matter when it is, the first thing we do is make up his milk and snuggle on the couch with his sippy cup until he's finished it. (It's practically the only time during the day he slows down enough to snuggle with me!!)

He gets a nap at around the same time everyday; one in the morning and one in the afternoon. He gets a bath right after dinner, and dinner is roughly 5 pm every day.

So he has some parts of his life that are on a timeline. He can anticipate that after dinner he will get his bath. He knows it's coming, and he can take some comfort in that routine. He knows when he wakes up he will get a clean diaper and a prompt cup of milk, so he can feel safe knowing his tummy won't be empty for long.

But sometimes these baby books take it too freaking far. Now I won't name any names, because I don't want a slander suit against me, but I think some of them are downright tyrannical. Examples include:

1.) They want you to only give the baby their drink at certain times during the day. Now I am sorry, but I do not only get thirsty at 9 am, noon, and 3 pm. I want access to my water whenever I want it. If someone told me I could only have my water bottle a few times a day I would flip out. So why would I want to keep Owen from accessing his water or his juice-water whenever he wants it?? What possible bad habit is this going to instill in him? And why would I want him to suffer through the, let's be honest, truly awful feeling of being thirsty, just to prove I can?!? It's a basic human need to be able to drink when we experience thirst. I don't think that letting your child carry their sippy or have access to a cup is going to turn them into selfish, wild kids. This just seems like a parent on a power trip to me.

2.) They suggest putting baby to bed at the exact same time every day for naps and for the night. Now I can support the night-time continuity. I think it's good for all of us if we go to bed at about the same time every night. I think we sleep better that way. But nap time is another story...sometimes Owen is tired as early as 8:30, and sometimes he's not ready for a nap until well after 9. If I schedule naps for 9 am on the dot, and he's whiny and tired at 8:30, we shouldn't have to spend half an hour miserable because he needs to sleep. And if he's playing strong and having a good time at 9:15, I shouldn't be forcing him to calm down and sleep when he's not tired yet. Then I suffer through half an hour, or more, of him screaming in his crib because he's wide awake and wants to play! What sense does that make? What does that do for him? How does that teach him anything about self-care? It just teaches him that a clock is more important than his true needs. Which, at least in this house, it is NOT.

3.) They insist that baby should eat meals at the same time every day and not be given many, if any, options to snack. And baby should sit in their high chair until they have eaten what you served, or go hungry. Hold the phone, Einstein. Let me just tell YOU a little something about eating. I do not know a single adult who only eats at meals, which are always at the same time, and doesn't snack during the day. Unless they're in an institution of some kind. So why on earth would I subject my little boy to a childhood of institution-like food habits? And since when do we always feel like eating what's in front of us? No, I don't want Owen to grow up thinking that Mommy is a line cook who will serve him what he wants whenever he wants it, but I do think that having choices is good for little brains. I give him options at his meals...maybe breakfast he gets a shot at a waffle with peanut butter first. If that isn't going so well we'll try yogurt. If he's still not interested I will give him some fruit, maybe some grapes. And if that's still rejected (not likely), I assume he's not hungry and we skip the breakfast fight that the baby books (which I won't name) insist is important for baby's development. All that shit will develop is a stubborn baby and a cranky Mommy. The thing is, I understand that sometimes I don't feel like a certain food, or sometimes I don't feel like breakfast, or I'm just having a day where I am not so hungry. That's another basic human need. We eat when we're hungry, we don't when we're not. Why try to go against biology to prove you're in charge?!!!?

I could go on and on, but the point is, I think some scheduling is important, and I agree that babies need structure and some limitations. But being a human being means being flexible about meeting your needs, and I don't think it's fair to be flexible about meeting my needs, but not about meeting his.