That just don't make no damn sense...

Evolution is apparently sleeping in and skipping class. Because there is a lot of stuff about my body and Owen's body that has baffled me, and I can't understand how we benefit from these things, when you look at them from a purely evolutionary standpoint. I think Evolution needs to get up off her ass, go back to class, and figure some stuff out.

For example, and I know I have brought this up before, but vomiting during pregnancy. What the hell? I mean, during the first trimester, when you are doing some of the most delicate work of making a baby, and your insides need to be as healthy and vibrant as possible, you are puking up everything nutritious that you eat. Some women, like myself, actually lose weight the first trimester, from all the heaving. You're clearly not getting the calories you need, and I fail to see how this benefits little blossoming baby cells? A more logical approach to early pregnancy would be the unrelenting appetite for vegetables or something, not the ability to eat nothing but saltines and lemon sorbet.

Then baby comes out, all helpless and slimy, can't even stand on its own two legs (I am thinking now of fawns, who can usually walk in the first 24 hours...a great skill to have!) and frequently can't even figure out how to latch on and eat. Now how is this helpful?? The tiny little pooper needs sustenance, needs nourishment, needs that colostrum something fierce! And he struggles mightily to get it. You would think Evolution would have made sure that part went smoothly, so the itty bitty person had a better chance of, you know, survival.

My most recent complaint is, shockingly, related to my boobs. Now I love them, we have established that. I think their bouncy flouncy perk is delightful. But I am confused. Now that mini-me sleeps through the night, shouldn't my boobs do the same? You would think that my milk-makers would realize that the baby needs a hefty dose of food at night right before bed, so he will sleep like a...well, a baby. But they take a coffee break about 3pm and don't wake up again until 3am.  And let me tell you, 3am is NOT when I want giant leaky boobs, because the Monkey is fast asleep and dreaming sweet dreams - probably about my boobs, when you think about it! - and I am not about to wake him up to eat. So I have to wake up, which I find horribly unfair all by itself, to pump (and let's not even go there right now, ugh). It is an evolutionary enigma.